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Weekly Weigh-In: September 7, 2010


Image by ppreacher | by NCND 2.0 CC

28st 7lbs

-5lbs

-14lb (6.35kg)
– 254lbs (115.21kg) to go

I don’t know what I did this week, but it seems to have worked.

The last time I reached this point, I posted this. I am yet again back at the point where I don’t feel bad about having those Silver 7™s in my possession, but more to the point:

I NO LONGER WEIGH 400lbs AGAIN!

I know it’s 1lb under – I weighed in at 399lbs – but it’s still no longer 400lbs.

And I hope this is the last time I ever have to say that. I will not gain weight next week. I will not gain weight to the point where I have a 4– as my weight in pounds.

I am sick of being fat. I am sick of being unhealthy. I am sick of the sciatica.

I am sick of being sick.

I am done with being unemployed. I am through with being single. I am done with being The Fat Girl.

It takes a special kind of a person to be a Fatso. It’s taken me years to perfect the craft. Years of self-deprecation, years of honing my trade.

I am through.

I am never going to weigh 400lbs again.

I don’t care if I gain little bits along the weigh, but I swear, from here-on down, I will never again let myself get this big. I know how hard it is to be this big – and bigger, more to the point, and let me tell you guys, it is not fun.

I know that most of you that read this are going to be on weight loss journeys of your own, so you know, too, how horrible it is to be heavy, to feel gross and fat and disgusting.

It is. It really is. It’s sweat in places you didn’t know you could sweat. It’s not being able to scratch itches in the middle of your back. It’s not being able to find a bra to fit you.

It’s not being able to find a great dress to wear to your sister’s wedding because you’re a fucking beached whale. It’s not really wanting to be in the photos because she is going to be beautiful and slim and you are three times her size and you don’t want that to be permanently ingrained in her wedding album.

It’s not being able to walk to the gym, which is literally down the road because it hurts too much.

It’s not being able to stand up for 5 minutes to grill bacon. It’s having to sit down until it’s done because your hip hurts too much.

It’s being turned down for job after job after job because of your size.

I am through. I’m done.

My first goal is my 5%, which is 7lbs away, at 28st. I should have hit it already, but you’ve seen how the past few months have been. I will hit it within the next three week.

Then, 26st 8lb for my 10%. And then we’ll see from there.

It’s not so scary, now.

I’m not so sure it ever was, you guys. I just got a little lost is all.

400lbs: see ya. Never gonna be ya. Let the door hit you on the big, fat ass on the way out.

300lbs: I’ll see you sooner than you think.

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7 thoughts on “Weekly Weigh-In: September 7, 2010”

  1. Great this is awesome! I was worried with the recent posts that you were angry with yourself for your weight. I thought you calling yourself Fatso meant you so mad that you needed to brand yourself to remind you how much you were mad at you and was subconsciously hindering you from moving to what you wanted to be! Yes, move onwards and try to reward yourself with positive things not things that will make you backtrack!

    You should write this out for yourself and look at it if you are ever to think of sabotaging yourself….

    P.S. I think guys like girls at any size but make sure you like you otherwise you will come into problems.

    1. @Lilies – Fatso is just a persona, I suppose. She's the "happy" fat girl. The one that makes jokes and is the life of the party. You know that girl, right? I'm sick of being that girl. And thank you for the idea of printing this out! I'm thinking of making it into a nice-looking poster and sticking it on my mother's fridge!

      @Alison – AMEN BAYBEE. Hopefully I'll be able to make a list of good things soon.

      @Stacey – thank you! I'm glad to be back at this point again, and hopefully the numbers will all decrease from here! 🙂 (I'm going to add you to my blogroll, by the way! Hope you don't mind-)

  2. Bla, bla, bla, whatever! …300's baybeee!!! Woooo *party horn*

    :)___@

    Look at what good not whats bad

    Congrats.

  3. YES!!!! SEE YA 400's!!!

    I love this post. You really should sticky it (or whatever they call it) or print it out to remind yourself whenever you have moments of doubt. YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT!!!

    xx

  4. FANTASTIC!!! Just WAIT till the next wedding… woo hoo… I'm 11 lbs away from the 300's myself… this post if FAB!

    rock it girlie!!!

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