babble, story of my life, weigh-in, weight gain

Weekly Weigh-in #13: March 25, 2012

+4lbs

24st 10lbs
(346lbs/155.13kg)
(-1lbs/0.45kg)

I have absolutely no excuse for it this week. It was my birthday. My big sister bought me a pack of chocolate-covered marzipan, which I ate on Thursday, the day after my birthday. My Mum bought me a box of Ferrero Rocher, which I ate on Friday. My Mum baked me a cake, which I about a third of.

And I just plain ate too much food.

So I’ve no excuse for it this week except that I “enjoyed” my birthday week, if by “enjoyed” you mean “panicked that I only have a year left until I turn 30”.

What that means is that, if I want to reach my goal by my thirtieth birthday, I have 52 weeks to lose around about 200lbs. This is not impossible.

It is, however, pretty damn difficult.

I am going to give it my very best shot. This means probably Paleo, as much as I can. Atkins, when I can finally afford it. South Beach if I can’t deal with either of them.

Thing is, I’ve said to myself since I was about 25: I don’t want to be like this by my thirtieth birthday. I’ve spent my teens and my twenties like this, and I’ve wasted my time. I haven’t been a normal teenager or a normal twenty-something.

I’m gonna hit thirty, and if I’m anything nearing a normal weight, I’m gonna have a midlife crisis. I’m gonna start living my teenage years out. And it’s gonna either be amazing or it’s gonna suck awesomelly.

But that’s the thing. I’ve gotta get to a normal or nearing normal weight. I haven’t been there since I was about 12 or 13.

That’s 17 or 18 years, next years, of being overweight, ugly (in my own eyes), teased and picked on and wanting to be normal.

And that’s all it is, y’know? That’s all I want.

I just wanna be normal.

It means I’m gonna have to work really effin’ hard to get there, but…

I’ve got my workin’ shoes on, and I’m gonna give it my very best try.

1 thought on “Weekly Weigh-in #13: March 25, 2012”

  1. Hello! Thanks for this post – i really identified with it, particularly that "wanting to be normal" thing.

    Of course, people are ever eager to say, "oh, but what's normal anyway?"

    I always want to yell at them – though of course i don't – that, well, normal is not being terrified of getting it wrong every time you eat or drink anything, not finding the most mundane things in life incredibly daunting, not hiding away in food and isolating yourself so that you don't have to face the world, not being immensely depressed all the bloody time because you do all these things even though you don't want to but you can't figure out how to stop… i could go on and on, but i think i'd have made my point already by this point, ha ha.

    Normal is, of course, in our heads – not in our dress size – but that doesn't make it any easier to accept or be patient in the mean-time. Even though that's exactly what we need to do to GET to normal, eh?

    Although i'm underweight rather than overweight, it's the same sort of battle, i think – and it's still REALLY HARD, no matter which side of "correct" you are, to get to where you want to be. Not least because the physical side of it is only half the battle – the smaller half at that, hahaha.

    Seriously though, don't pin all your hopes to the big three-oh, because what difference does it make if you achieve an arbitrary number on the scales in time to meet an arbitrary number on your Equal Opportunities monitoring form? 30-and-a-half or 31 or 32, it's all the same really. It's more about the journey than the destination anyway.

    Sorry, waffling now.

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