babble, cravings, food, me and my medications, mental health

In Which Tracy Is Having Really Bad Withdrawal Symptoms

I’m the worst person for managing my medication, sometimes, I swear. I’ve had a few times where I’ve run out of some of my painkillers and things, but there’s been once or twice where I’ve run out of my brain pills, and they’ve been the worst times I’ve had, because even after two days, you start to go through withdrawal.

I remember, when I was working in The Topic, I took myself off of escitalopram (Lexapro), because my brain just has a tendency to not like the SSRI class of antidepressants. It was about three weeks of “brain zaps” where it felt like electric shocks through my brain every ten or fifteen minutes. (And I’ve actually had an electric shock one time when I was testing the temperature of the water in a kettle I thought was off… and it wasn’t turned off. It felt like someone was jabbing really boney-pointy fingers into my sides really fast and they’d snuck up on me without me hearing and- blah. So it’s not like I’m using the comparison without understanding, y’know?)

This withdrawal’s different. This withdrawal’s like…

Well, I’ve been talking about my blood pressure lately, and how Dr. David said it was quite low. I’ve been keeping an eye on it, and it seems that I’m getting dizzy spells whenever it jumps about. It has a tendency to jump about during/after exercise, like when I’m going for, or coming back from, my walks. I’ll get these weird almost-brain-zaps, but it’s more like a sudden dizziness, and it happens when I turn my head, or I look in a different direction all of a sudden, or I blink.

It travels the length of my spine, and sometimes down my legs, too.

It’s absolutely horrendous.

Accompanying this is hunger. I’m probably going to start March about 10lbs heavier, because I’m hungry all the time. I stop when I’m full, but it’s like I’m hungry in between all the time, now, too, where I wasn’t before.

The good news is that I haven’t much food in my house, and I’m doing my best to keep my brain and hands otherwise occupied.

(A Benedict Cumberbatch-a-thon on the TV/Computer, and a lot of crochet.)

I’m supposed to go to Boots tomorrow to see if they’ve managed to wrangle me a month’s supply of Duloxetine until my repeat prescription comes in, in the middle of March – it’d require special permission or something, because my prescription is for a two-month supply, so hopefully they’ll hand it to Dr. David who will go, “YES HERE A MONTH IS FINE.” – and if I’m not allowed the month’s supply, then…

Well…

How long does withdrawal last for? Jeez. Coming off of Lexapro was about three weeks. I honestly can’t remember how long it took me to wean myself off of alcohol. Everything else has been done through doctor’s orders, so there hasn’t been much in the way of withdrawal there. If I don’t get the month’s supply, then I am going to be an absolute manic nightmare for the next few weeks, I think.

Pardon me while I go and find everything that Benedict Cumberbatch has ever been in. And decide whether to watch it in alphabetical or chronological order.

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