I’m giving y’all plenty of advance warning: there is a photo of my exceptionally gnarly-looking mutant toe in this post. I’ve put it under a “read more” cut on the website, but I don’t think that RSS feeds get that benefit of that.
Read at your own risk. The photo is right at the bottom of the post, so you can read the text safely.
In Which Tracy Has A Mutant Fungal Toenail
Anyone who’s been reading FATGIRLslim for any amount of time should have heard me made mention of my “mutant leg“.
If you haven’t been here that long, or have never heard me mention it, then read this, and then scurry on back. 🙂
I’m pretty sure that the problem with my toenail is directly related to the problem with that infection. I’ve been trying to get rid of the toenail infection for almost two and a half years now. I spent a year coating it with this weird fungal nail polish, then a year (and a half?) on anti-fungal tablets (NON-COATED TABLETS. URGH! Why do non-coated tablets still exist?!) and now I’ve spent another two or three months using the nail polish again… with about a six month gap between the tablets and the nail polish.
I thought I’d give it a short rest and see if it was growing out any, but it wasn’t, so, last month or the month before, I took a clipping of my toenail into Dr. David and he sent it off to be tested.
Of course, it grew up some fungal cultures or whatever those wee tests actually do (I personally love to think that they grew a mushroom out of my toenail clippings, but that’s just me…) and so I got a new prescription. I don’t know what it is; I haven’t actually picked it up yet.
Last week, while I was heading into my bedroom, I managed to kick my bedroom doorframe. With the force I kicked it, I’m damn lucky I didn’t break my toe. After I’d finished screaming every swear word I know up to the ceiling while I hobbled about, I looked down at my toe to make sure that there was no blood or anything and that it wasn’t grossly disfigured any more than it already is.
Yeah, it was. Of course it was.
It had split quite neatly down the middle, between the fungal toenail and the healthy toenail, and had stopped right near the middle of my toenail.
Awesome, I thought to myself sarcastically.
I took my nail clippers and the cheap pair of tweezers that I tend to leave in the bathroom for plucking my beard hairs and sat down on my bed, and clipped my toenail.
It promptly broke away. And crumbled. It was so gross, you can’t even imagine. I literally sat with my nail clippers and tweezers and cut my toenail away and then dug into it, pulling bits of the fungal toenail away, and it was actually coming away from the nail bed.
Yet none of it was painful. It’s like the nail bed’s dead, like on my other foot. (I had problems with ingrown toenails on both feet when I was younger; my right big toenail was removed entirely. My left big toenail had both sides removed.) It’s really sensitive to the touch, like when you’ve had your fingernails long for a really long time and cut them down to the quick and then all that skin at the fingertip is exposed to touch for the first time in ages.
I made an appointment with Dr. David, because to be honest, after this long, I’d rather just get the toenail removed entirely.
Unfortunately, he said that wasn’t an option. 🙁 I mean, I love Dr. David – he’s been absolutely fabulous where my back pain’s concerned, but this has been a serious pain the past few years. I can’t even wear open-toed/sandal type shoes now without serious paranoia that people are going to see my gross toe and judge me. Like I didn’t have enough trouble with just my weight and my hirsutism, now I have my mutant leg scar and occasional spots in that vicinity, plus some adult acne (yes, I have adult acne! FUN!) and a mutant toenail to make me paranoid.
So now I have another prescription for a cream to rub into the toenail bed, and Dr. David wants me to remove as much of the infection as I can, myself, with the instructions to “stop when it hurts”.
I’m really wishing I’d gotten this toenail completely removed when I was in high school, now. Stupid toenail.
And for those of you who want to see it, here you are! My mutant toenail…