reverb10, story of my life

Reverb 10 Prompt #31: Core Story

Prompt: Core Story
What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)
(Author: Molly O’Neill)

In case you haven’t realised by now: what is at the very core of me is sort of complicated.

As I’m sure is a common thread between people who want to lose weight, I love food. It’s how I got into this difficulty in the first place.

I love (most) smells, (most) tastes and (most) textures, with some exceptions.

I like sweet things and sour things and savoury things – I love pastry. I don’t actually like chocolate too much. I prefer tropical fruits over ‘normal’ fruits. Cherries are my favourite, followed closely by pineapple.

My favourite meat is bacon.

My favourite fast-food is Taco Bell, and I’m glad it doesn’t exist in the UK. My favourite restaurant is Applebee’s, and I’m glad it doesn’t exist in the UK, although if I had the money, I’d think about franchising.

I love cinnamon and raisin bagels with chive flavour low-fat Philadelphia. With bacon. And sometimes chicken, too, if we have it.

I love soup: plain old Cream of Tomato soup. I love my home-made carrot and coriander soup, but I hate how much effort goes into making it.

I hate brussel sprouts. I hate beans (but I love refried beans) and I hate marrowfat peas, but I like garden peas when Mum uses them in her bowtie-and-peas alfredo.

I am not a fussy eater, although sometimes I will be, out of spite or out of mood.

I will happily eat until I’m stuffed, and then I will complain about it.

When I was younger, something happened to me that made me gain weight because I wanted to be hideous. When I stopped using that as an excuse, I didn’t stop eating.

I have nobody to blame but myself:

My mother didn’t force me to eat until I weighed about 23st (322lbs) at age 16. My father never told me I was useless or ugly. My parents love me, and told me I could be anything.

I ate.

At age 23, I weighed my heaviest-ever weight of 449lbs.

And I will never, ever let myself get back to that. If I can, I will never let myself get back to 400lbs.

So this is my core story:

I am trying my hardest, even in the weeks that it seems like I’m not, just to not get to 449lbs again.

I know what it’s like to weigh that much.

I could barely walk. I couldn’t climb 13 stairs without being out of breath.

So yes.

Even in the weeks when it seems like I’m not trying, I am.

I am trying to live, with this love of food that goes against everything that I want.


How do you work the three out? How do they fit together?

Because I’m not sure.

So here’s my core motto:

I’m just gonna keep trying.

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