…is that eventually, you’re bound to run out of ideas of what to say. I mean, I’ve been blogging via FATGIRLslim since 2004, and a lot has changed since then. Blogging is not like it used to be.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not quitting, and if I ever did decide to stop blogging, forever, then I’d find somewhere that I could archive my Adventures In Weight Loss.
I’m still trying to decide what I want to do in terms of content here at FATGIRLslim. Do I accept the bazillion offers of guest posts that keep showing up in my inbox? Do I continue to babble about attempting to lose weight while fighting my urge to binge eat and eat entire boxes of food in secret so nobody knows how bad it is?
What I’d love to do is to really examine my relationship with food, which is a terrible one. I’d like to know why I binge eat, and why I eat a lot in secret – beyond the “so people don’t see me consuming 15,000 in a sitting”, I mean – and I’d like to start mending that relationship with food.
But, to be honest, I don’t even know where to start. My local health service doesn’t recognise binge eating and food addiction as real things, and the only clinic that deals with eating disorders only helps those suffering from anorexia or bulimia.
So what am I going to do?
I don’t know.
I’ve signed up for Sport Relief again for 2018 – I completed a 1 mile swim and a 3 mile walk in 2016, and was chuffed to raise as much as I did – so I’ve got something to train for.
I’m back at Weight Watchers, although I had to have my cat euthanised in my second or third week and have basically been eating to numb my grief since then (R.I.P. my darling Twiglet), and really need to start tracking again and focusing on what I’m eating.
Other than that…? I’m tempted to go fully digital, and just vlog on the FATGIRLslim YouTube Channel instead of writing. But I’m not sure how well that would go, considering bad my habit is of babbling while I’m vlogging and diverging from the point.
I’ll figure something out. If anyone has any suggestions about what they’d like to see as far as updates go, please feel free to let me know!
As of now: I’m still alive, but I’m slowly creeping my way back to my all-time high weight again. Everything (and I do mean EVERYTHING) hurts. Painkillers barely help. And college is eating my life, but at least it gets me out of the house.
I hope y’all are doing well, and I’m sorry there are such huge gaps between posts. Hopefully I’ll decide what I’m doing soon, and remedy that. 🙂
I really ought to check my blog when I think I’ve updated with my weigh-in; most of the time, I haven’t.
I’m now into week four of Slimming World (if we count my first week post-initial weigh-in as week one) and I’m really enjoying the plan. I’ve had one or two really bad days where I just haven’t said no to myself, and they’re all in this current week, sigh.
Last week, I thought I’d go off the rails because of some bad news from the vet about my old lady cat, Twig. I honestly thought I’d just freak out and eat everything in sight. So far, I’ve managed not to do that, but those bad days were pretty bad.
I screwed my knee up not last Wednesday, but the Wednesday before that. I was walking home, and when I turned the corner to come into my street, my knee went away from me; I felt blinding pain for a moment, and since then it’s been feeling like something’s moving inside my knee. Like, if I try to stand completely straight up and lock my knees, it feels like the right-hand side of my kneecap is shifting around in there. It’s horrible.
So I’ve not been able to do any exercise at all, which is annoying. I think after this week, I’ll be okay to go back to swimming, but I’ll need to make sure I’m okay with swimming before doing Aqua Zumba and Spinfit again. I don’t want to aggravate it. I was supposed to be going out with my big sister this past weekend (Saturday 29) and I’d forgotten about it completely; I was only reminded when Linda texted me. Couldn’t go because of my knee. Pretty annoyed about that, but I don’t particularly want to have a night out where I can’t dance because my knee keeps falling out from underneath me.
Last week, Mum and I finally managed to make it to join Slimming World. We’ve been talking about it for a while, now, but college timetables were evil. We finally got to join last week, the first week of my Easter Break.
Thing is, I weighed myself at the New Year, so I know what weight I was at the start of the year. And when I got weighed last week, I’d managed to gain about 20lbs since the start of the year, if not more (my memory of what my weight was in pounds is a little foggy, if I’m honest) and I’d gotten to the point where my back pain was getting really bad again, so I knew I’d gained SOMETHING. Just didn’t realise quite how much it was until I stepped on the scales.
-7.5lbs 406.5lbs -7.5lbs since April 6, 2017
I got my 1/2 stone award (Slimming World version of a Silver 7™ from Weight Watchers) – and I got a certificate, and you’re supposed to get a sticker, too, but I was incorrectly given a 1.5st loss award, instead of 7lb loss, so I’ll need to swap that out next week at weigh-in.
The good news is that I’ve not been at all hungry this week. Not something I’ve ever really claimed before, but the only time I felt any hunger was one of the days when I didn’t eat breakfast, and meant to eat toast between dinner and bed time, and forgot. And even then, it was just a little hunger, not like, belly-gurgling, feeling-the-need-to-binge hunger.
I can’t believe this is my first blog post of 2017; it’s not that I’ve been slacking – although there is that – but more that I haven’t really had the time, or, let’s be honest, the inclination to blog lately.
Back At It Again With The Exercise
But I’ve started going to the gym again. I started with swimming twice a week back in February, and now that I’m in the third and final unit of this year at college, my days are Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday, so I can attend Aqua Fit on a Monday and swim for a while after that, and on Friday, there’s an “Intro To Spin” class, which is only half an hour long instead of the usual 45 minutes. Until I get my fitness levels up again, the 30 minute class will do me just fine. I’m just glad to be back at Spinning.
It was weird, because the last time I went to Spinning, it was just after the Water Palace had gotten new Spin bikes, and they were so uncomfortable because the seat’s nuts and bolts hadn’t been tightened enough, and I ended up falling off the seat every time I sat down, because it sat at a decidedly unjaunty angle, where it’s supposed to be flat.
This time? No such problems. Seat was fine, bike was fine, class was excellent. It was definitely nice to be at Spinning again, even if I wasn’t able to do as much as I used to be able to, at least I didn’t spend the entire time sitting down because I was so unfit. On the contrary, I spent more time standing up because my butt hurt sitting down, even with my gel seat cover on the bike.
The good news is that I’m exercising again. I just need to get my eating sorted, and I’ll be fine. But this is a good start. I’m back at the gym, I’m walking about 8,000 steps on the days I’m in college, and I just need to get my head in the game.
It’s not great right now, but it could be worse. I can live with that.