babble, exercise, story of my life

In Which Fatso WANTS To Give Up

Tonight, while I was in Spinning class, the thought flit through my head:

I could take a few weeks off and see if it did my tendinitis any good.

When I originally went to the doctor and said, “My heel is killing me, I told him: when I exercise, I’m getting pain right up the back of my leg from my heel,” and he said, “You have tendinitis,” I came home, and I Googled tendinitis.

And I winced.

Apparently, tendons are bastards when it comes to healing. If you tear one, you’re pretty much fucked for a while. My Mum once tripped off a curb and tore her ligaments, and she’s had to have steroids injected right into the bone in her heel for it before, and that’s her ligaments. I don’t know if that’s better or worse than your tendons, but…

I kind of don’t want a giant needle stuck into my heel, and into my bone. I don’t want it to come to that.

But when I was in Spinning tonight, my heel was agony. The back of my calf was agony.

I just thought:

I could take a few weeks off and rest my leg and try to get better.

I think I came out in a cold sweat at the very idea.

Lately, I’ve very much been of the thought that I don’t care how much pain I’m in, I have to fight through it.

If I give up at this point, I’m just going to completely give up, and end up back at 400lbs or worse, and I don’t want that.

Hell, I’ll freak out if I end up at 360lbs again.

But when I originally went to the doctor with this tendinitis (way more than a month ago now; possibly TWO months ago), he said that I should try to take it easy. So I cut out going on the elliptical. But I kept Spinning.

Because I… I can’t just cut it all out. I can’t stop going, I can’t stop exercising. I can’t just stop going for a couple of weeks, because I don’t know what I’d do with myself.

(Never mind that I’d be paying my gym membership and not doing anything with it, and that’d rile me up something awful.)

But it still really, really hurts. The cream that I’ve got (made of chili peppers or something!) doesn’t seem to do much except irritate me when I’m working out and my skin gets hot. My heel is still as sore; the back of my calf is still sore.

I’m going to have to wait until Monday to phone up for another appointment, but I’m going to see my Doctor to see if there’s another option, but by god, I don’t want to stop exercising.

I think I’m scared of what’d happen if I did. I’ve worked pretty hard to get to the point where my Mum and little sister were walking behind me today and said, “Jesus, you can really see how much weight you’ve lost from the back,” and where I wore a pair of jeans today that I couldn’t close the zipper on last December.

I don’t want to lose that because I’ve got a sore ankle.

But by the same token, I don’t want to get to the point where I’m in so much pain that I can’t work out at all.

So what do I do?

God knows.

First things first, though: I’m going to see my doctor again. I know he’s probably sick of the sight of me, but… *sigh* Hopefully we can figure something out. Because I’d really get back to top shape.

Round is totally a shape. Even if it is a little flatter from the back lately.

5 thoughts on “In Which Fatso WANTS To Give Up”

  1. See what your Dr says but you could maybe switch to swimming for a few weeks and walking on the treadmill instead of spinning and the eliptical which seem to put strain on the heal/calf muscle area. Might not burn as many calories but its better than not doing anything.

    1. Yeah, I was thinking that, but I really don't wanna give up Spinning AT ALL, haha. I'm so addicted. *laughs* Thing is, it's difficult to get INTO our pool – the 25m is taken over so many nights for Swimming Club and Swimming Lessons and stuff, and there's no water aerobics classes or anything. It SUCKS.

      And then, when you CAN get into the swimming pool, there are idiots jumping into the deep end, even if they can see that you're trying to swim there. 😐 I want to shoot them all, the idiots who do that. IT'S A SWIMMING POOL, NOT A JUMPING POOL. There's a LEISURE pool for larking-about-purposes, go use it and leave the swimming pool for the swimmers! /rant

      But yeah, I'll see what the doc says. I REALLY don't wanna give up Spinning, though, even for a few weeks. XD I think I'd be desperate for it, like foaming at the mouth or something. 😀 RABID. LOL.

  2. I don't know enough about tendinitis to offer any advice but I hope the doctor can come up with something that'll work for you.

  3. Seriously, it takes like what 6 weeks to get better if treated? That's a short time. Imagine being thinner and being able to run… that's the long term future. Don't focus on the short term hurdles! Get it fixed, trust yourself not to go mad on the food front if you aren't spinning. Get perspective. There are other ways to exercise that won't stop you from healing.

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