Tonight, while I was in Spinning class, the thought flit through my head:
I could take a few weeks off and see if it did my tendinitis any good.
When I originally went to the doctor and said, “My heel is killing me, I told him: when I exercise, I’m getting pain right up the back of my leg from my heel,” and he said, “You have tendinitis,” I came home, and I Googled tendinitis.
And I winced.
Apparently, tendons are bastards when it comes to healing. If you tear one, you’re pretty much fucked for a while. My Mum once tripped off a curb and tore her ligaments, and she’s had to have steroids injected right into the bone in her heel for it before, and that’s her ligaments. I don’t know if that’s better or worse than your tendons, but…
I kind of don’t want a giant needle stuck into my heel, and into my bone. I don’t want it to come to that.
But when I was in Spinning tonight, my heel was agony. The back of my calf was agony.
I just thought:
I could take a few weeks off and rest my leg and try to get better.
I think I came out in a cold sweat at the very idea.
Lately, I’ve very much been of the thought that I don’t care how much pain I’m in, I have to fight through it.
If I give up at this point, I’m just going to completely give up, and end up back at 400lbs or worse, and I don’t want that.
Hell, I’ll freak out if I end up at 360lbs again.
But when I originally went to the doctor with this tendinitis (way more than a month ago now; possibly TWO months ago), he said that I should try to take it easy. So I cut out going on the elliptical. But I kept Spinning.
Because I… I can’t just cut it all out. I can’t stop going, I can’t stop exercising. I can’t just stop going for a couple of weeks, because I don’t know what I’d do with myself.
(Never mind that I’d be paying my gym membership and not doing anything with it, and that’d rile me up something awful.)
But it still really, really hurts. The cream that I’ve got (made of chili peppers or something!) doesn’t seem to do much except irritate me when I’m working out and my skin gets hot. My heel is still as sore; the back of my calf is still sore.
I’m going to have to wait until Monday to phone up for another appointment, but I’m going to see my Doctor to see if there’s another option, but by god, I don’t want to stop exercising.
I think I’m scared of what’d happen if I did. I’ve worked pretty hard to get to the point where my Mum and little sister were walking behind me today and said, “Jesus, you can really see how much weight you’ve lost from the back,” and where I wore a pair of jeans today that I couldn’t close the zipper on last December.
I don’t want to lose that because I’ve got a sore ankle.
But by the same token, I don’t want to get to the point where I’m in so much pain that I can’t work out at all.
So what do I do?
First things first, though: I’m going to see my doctor again. I know he’s probably sick of the sight of me, but… *sigh* Hopefully we can figure something out. Because I’d really get back to top shape.
Round is totally a shape. Even if it is a little flatter from the back lately.