babble, body talk, randomosity, story of my life

In Which Fatso Thinks About Her Goal(s)

I don’t know why it came to mind yesterday, but it did: thinking about my ultimate goal(s).

When I was doing my phone interviews for the newspaper and the upcoming magazine article, I was asked: what’s your goal weight/what’s your goal clothes size?

Bearing in mind that this is what I currently look like, it’s going to be quite a while before I reach my goal(s):

But I know what they are. More than reaching for a clothes size or a particular weight (although I’ve got a goal weight of 10st 5lbs [145lbs] in mind, because it’s in the middle of my healthy BMI range) I said:

My goal is to feel fit and healthy. To be able to do normal day-to-day stuff without being in pain. Not to have to rely on four different painkillers just to get me through the day.

But still, most people want a goal weight, or a goal dress size. My Mum keeps on saying that I’ll look emaciated at a size 10 (UK sizes) but the last time I was a size 10, I was in Primary School. I don’t know what Adult Me would look like at a size 10. I might be bitchin’ hot.

I might also have no boobs and no hips; vast amounts of loose skin.

I might have amazing muscles from all the exercise it’s taken to get me to that size.

I don’t know. And sometimes I look in the mirror and I think that I’ll never know.

I know I’m a lot smaller than I was – you can’t lost 100lbs and not lose inches. But if I’d started at this weight and lost 100lbs, I’d probably have lost 8 dress sizes at least; I’ve barely lost one.

It’s disheartening, looking at the overall picture. So I’m wondering if it’s time to start setting smaller goals again.

10lbs, for example. Every 10lbs, I’ll set a goal for another 10lbs.

Make the “bigger goal” right now to hit 300lbs on the way down. It’s only 40-something pounds. Just 4x10lb goals and some change.

I think that’ll make it easier.

I know I’m not supposed to be seeing how much I’ve got to lose, anyway, using The Zero Scale, but I need to know, so that I can keep track.

But I think I’ll just get discouraged if I keep looking at 145lbs. It’s still 200lbs away.

That’s 20x10lbs. That’s a lot of little goals to hit.

But I’m not giving up this time. I’ve given up too many times already; this is the last effing time.

Whether it be my little goals or my massive, absolute goal of 145lbs (or thereabouts), I’m gonna hit them.

Once I get over this damned plateau…

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