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In Which Fatso Talks About Christmas

I’m going to admit something that may make me something of a pariah:

Christmas is not my favourite time of the year.

My favourite time of the year is actually Hallowe’en, because I can actually dress up as somebody else on Hallowe’en, but Christmas suffices, because, let’s face it:

Glitter, sparkle, decorations, good food and family isn’t exactly something to turn your nose up at, is it?

I was really let-down this year, when my Christmas outfit didn’t turn up. I wasn’t even going to get something new to wear for Christmas day, but then a dress that I’d been having palpitations over for months on end went into the sale at 50% off, so I said SCREW THAT, and bought a pair of shoes with it and everything, paid for next-day delivery (the only way it’d get to me on time) and actually got excited about it!

And then we know what happened next. Yes, I’m being specifically vague about the company I ordered from because it’s a once-every six-or-eight-months problem, and it wasn’t with them, it was with Hermes. And everyone knows Hermes sucks donkey balls. (Although having said that, the customer service could do with an upgrade. Oy.)


That is the dress I was going to buy, however, ganked from teh intarwebbes to keep the company anonymous. It’s so beautiful. *_* Thank you, Joanna Hope, for making such a gorgeous creation. I only wish I knew how it would have looked on me…

It put a huge kink in my Christmas Day plans, because my Christmas-y clothes are in the “uh… no” category right now. I used to have LOADS, when I lived in Ireland and actually went out to clubs every weekend, because I needed nice going-out clothes. I used to have loads of Christmas party dresses that I’d bought, intending to just try them on and send them back if I didn’t like them, and then just never sent them back. Then I downsized my wardrobe because I don’t go out anymore, and I was left worrying: well, what the hell am I going to wear on Christmas Day?

I ended up going with something that wasn’t even in my wardrobe. My Massively Wide Legged Palazzo Pants™ and a top I’d bought in Lane Bryant in 2008, I think. Although in the picture I’m wearing these shoes, I was literally only wearing them for the photo, so that my pants weren’t trailing the floor. I was wearing a pair of Evans’ velour wedge heels or a pair of slippers for the rest of the day.

Note to self: ask Dad to send you the RAW files in future.

Compared to last year’s Christmas photo, which is named, if anyone’s interested, “notactuallypregnant.jpeg”, I’m glad that this is a whole lot more flattering. I still look HUGE, don’t get me wrong, mostly because I am, but I look a lot smaller than I do last year.

As far as food goes over the past week or so (the few days before Christmas, and the days after it) I’d like to think that I’ve been pretty well-behaved. Christmas dinner didn’t include any huge binge-eating; I didn’t eat anywhere near as much as I did last year, and I definitely didn’t go back for seconds. I didn’t have a second dessert like I did last year. I didn’t eat an entire quarter of my mother’s Christmas cake in two days like I did last year. The sweets my Mum and Dad bought for my stocking (yes, I’m 30 years old and I still insist my parents put sweets in my stocking, SHUSH.) are still 25% intact, although it’s the largest 25%. (They were: An Aldi marzipan bar; an Aldi chocolate bear; a jar of Aldi fizzy cola bottles, and a bar of Toblerone. I haven’t eaten the Toblerone yet.) My little sister gave me a box of Thornton’s classics and a wee pack of another kind of chocolates, and I haven’t even touched the classics. I know that that kind of stash of sweeties would last another person for potentially weeks, but we know that I’m not another person. If I have the food in my house, I’ll eat it.

The important thing is that I haven’t simply sat down and eaten it all at once, which I once did with the content of my stocking. It included marshmallows. It’s something I’m never going to do again, because vomiting all of that up again was the worst vomiting I’ve ever done. Sometimes I can’t even eat marshmallows if I think of it.

Overall, it’s been a kind of slow and blah festive period. As I’m getting older, Christmas isn’t the same as it was when I was a kid, obviously. It’s losing a lot of its charm – and it doesn’t help when my cat insisted on breaking about 12 branches of my tree by attempting to sleep in it! – but it’s all right. Hopefully that just means that I’m actually growing up.

And hopefully, the fact that I’m limiting myself with my food at Christmas means that it won’t be a problem to do so for the rest of the year, too.

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1 thought on “In Which Fatso Talks About Christmas”

  1. Hei, don’t get depressed. Tis petiod is not my favourite too. Especially when I see friends that are actually loosing weights and I didn’t. .. my hole fot a winter slimmer iz out of the window already. Anyway I am going to try soon this famous Active8 x. See how it goez, though I am not holding my breath for it. But if I have no success I will be refounded

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