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In Which Fatso Surprises Herself

Swimming again tonight! Introduced Mum to Eileen, the lady with the blonde hair, from my Usual Group. Robert, the tall guy with the gold chains, wasn’t there tonight! It was very odd.

But anyway, swimming – managed the 32 lengths again, a half a mile, and it took us forever, because the pool was MOBBED. Apparently the kids are off on holiday (WHY?! They only went back to school about 6 weeks ago after the New Year was over! And they’re going to be off again at Easter! Good GOD.) and so everybody and their grandparent was there tonight, and I swear, not a one of them looks where they’re going. I got kicked twice by a woman walking the breadth of the pool while everybody else is trying to swim lengthwise, got swam into about four times by a couple of stupid little teenage girls who were swimming on their backs in a crowded pool and got walked into by a guy throwing his 2-year-old child around the pool like a ragdoll.

So all in all, I’m glad we got the half mile done. It took us as long to swim that half mile as it took me to swim the mile on Thursday, but hey. Exercise is exercise.

Of course, I came home and immediately attacked my bottled water and my Raisin Wheats, my cereal of choice lately, because yeah. Hungry after all that exercise.

The interesting thing that I just can’t get over, is that, before we came home, I actually went to the front desk of the Water Palace, and I got myself a membership.

Now, if y’all haven’t realised, I am a lazy, unemployed bum (currently looking for a job please somebody gie’s a job, ah cin dae ‘at.) and I do not have a lot of income.

Like, any income, other than my Jobseeker’s Allowance.

So I get concession fees. Every time I go to the pool, it’s £2.20, and if I’m going to go twice a week, that’s £4.40 a week. That’s £17.60 in a month, if it’s a 4-week month.

Concession price for gym-leisure-fitness-swimming membership is… £17.45 a month. So.

So.

So I’m now.

Hold on while I take a deep breath.

I am now a member of a gym.

Yes, you read that right.

I am now a member of a gym.

I mean, that’s the cost of me going swimming twice a week, and for that, I get access to their fitness classes and their health suite, and I get to swim as often as I like. That means I can go swimming seven days a week if I wanted to, and it would be included in that price.

What it also means is that I can go to any South Lanarkshire health centre – including the one just down the road, which has a gym – and it doesn’t cost me a penny more. My membership covers all leisure centres in South Lanarkshire.

The only problem now is that I’m really going to have to buy myself an Enell Sports Bra (hi, guys and gals at Enell, you know y’all wanna give me a free one so I can tell everybody how well it deals with my 50H boobs!) because if I’m going to be treadmilling (I refuse to call it a dreadmill. REFUSE. These things are going to save my life!) and cycling and whatever, I don’t want constant black eyes from my boobs coming up to hit me in the face.

(And trust me: if they can half suffocate me when I’m lying down with no pillow behind my head, they can totally fly up and hit me in the face.)

So yeah.

Fatso is now a member of a gym. It’s something I’ve been meaning to do for years – Curves totally doesn’t count, I actually gained weight while I was attending Curves, I’m sure – and now I finally have.

When did I become a person who loves to exercise? WHO IS THIS PERSON, WRITING THIS BLOG RIGHT NOW?

Sometimes, I have the power to surprise even myself.

(And thanks, of course, go to Mum, who provided me the money for the upfront payment. 🙂 Otherwise I’d be skint for the next two weeks.)

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