There are a couple of things that shaving my head have taught me:
1) Shaving my head is never a good idea unless I have really bad head lice, which I didn’t.
2) No matter how much I tell myself it sort of suits me, it never really does.
3) My ears sort of stick out at the top, and
4) My hair is going grey faster than I thought it was.
It’s a family trait: Mum, who is going to be 50 years old next year, has been going grey (a couple of grey hairs here and there, that she used to make us pluck out) since she was about 35; Dad has been grey for longer than he’d admit. (Salt & pepper is not description of hair that is more salt than pepper!)
My little sister and I both have a fair amount of grey in our hair, while my big sister seems relatively unaffected.
Now, Mum dyes her hair, and has dyed her hair probably for about 15 years (since it started getting really bad) and my little sister sometimes colours her hair, and usually I do, too.
But shaving my hair sort of skimmed it all back, and now that it’s growing like wildfire, all of that grey is showing up.
(LOL I’m wearing the same vest and never even realised it! I love this vest, though.)
“What does this have to do with weight loss?” I hear you all cry.
Well, let me tell you. It’s not so much to do with what’s actually happening as with what I’m thinking may happen.
When I lose weight, I’m going to be left with flaps of skin. No matter how much I exercise, there are places on my body that I will physically not be able to exercise and tone. There are places that will probably never look the same again.
At the moment, I have a flap of skin that hangs over the tops of my legs – my belly flap, I call it – that covers my pubic mound and the tops of my thighs, the sides of my hips. If/when that all shrinks back, there is going to be a sort of horrible stretch mark there, like a scar, because it’s there right now. Years of abuse and – yuck – yeast infection after yeast infection have absolutely ruined the skin there.
The skin between my legs is rubbed to a sort of brownish colour, I think? The last time I looked, anyway. When my legs shrink, I will probably be left with that.
The skin under my breasts, ditto the skin under my “belly flap”. Things that will show up more as I lose more and more weight, hence the connection with the grey hair showing up now that I’ve shaved off all my hair.
Things made more prominent.
We were watching Embarrassing Bodies tonight on TV, and there was a man with an “apron” of flesh around his penis, and I thought, “that’s what it’s going to be like for me. That’s exactly what it’s going to be like for me.”
It sort of terrified me.
But at the same time, I’m thrilled because I live in a country with the NHS. When I get to my goal weight, I should be able to speak to my doctor and get all of this seen to.
Note that I said when and not if.
Weird skin discolourations, mounds of flesh, scars, whatever. Bring it on. If it means that I lose the weight and bring to light the damage I’ve done my body, bring it on. Once I get to my goal weight, it’ll all be gone, and I’ll never be back here again, thank God.