I had to go for another therapy session today. EMDR’s weird when I’m in there. I didn’t honestly think that a therapy where I sit and move my eyes while immersing myself in an old trauma would do anything – it’s hard to explain unless you’ve experienced the therapy – but it works. I’m not sure how, but it works in my brain.
While I’m still obviously dealing with the after-effects of my abuse, it’s like a huge weight’s been lifted off my brain. I’m not having nightmares about it anymore, and my dreams are centred on day-to-day things now. (I actually keep having recurring dreams about going back to Ireland, getting taken back by The Topic, which is in the same building but which has had a total facelift, only to be told a week or so later that I can’t be kept on! Probably something to do with my seemingly-permanent unemployment and my annoyance at being unemployed and useless.)
Today, we started working on trying to tackle the biggest problem right now:
That’s going to be a long, long road. But I’m gonna get there. It’s gonna help.
(I am not a disgusting thing. I am not a disgusting thing.)
But that’s not why I was feeling almost normal. It was what I did after therapy. I stayed on two or three extra stops and walked up the road that takes you up to The Water Palace. The Citizens’ Advice is up there, too, and I need to talk to them about my ESA Tribunal outcome.
(They told me to come back next week, after making an appointment. :/ So much for “drop-ins allowed” on the website.)
Note to self: make an appointment for next week.
I then had to walk back down that wee bit of road to the bus stop.
And instead of going home, I went into town. (Can I just say, the £4 day ticket on FirstBus Glasgow is the best thing ever on days that I go out? Hop on, hop off, hop on, hop off. Next week, I’m gonna run into the David Livingstone centre when I get out of therapy.)
I went into the Regent Shopping Centre for the first time in MONTHS, and headed to Evans after a bathroom break. I do this shopping survey thing and I get vouchers for it that I can redeem in Evans. Last time, I got those lovely thigh-high boots that I cherish.
I WAS going to get a new pair of yoga pants and a turquoise vest, but I went to the shoe section again, and saw something that changed my mind:
I saw these shoes the last time I was in, and they were way out of my budget. This time, they were marked down to £15, so I pounced on them and put the other things back.
Fun fact: I can fit into a size 8 shoe in Evans, sometimes. The boots I got are a size 8. These shoes are a size 8 (and it was the afternoon, so my feet were swollen after doing a wee bit of walking around!). When I got down to that lowest-weight-in-ages last year, my feet were one of the places I lost weight from, and luckily, I haven’t gained any back on them! They’re still a wee bit slimmed down. For which I’m glad.
Took my shoes, walked outside… and the bus I needed to get home was outside the shopping centre! Lady Luck was on my side. I didn’t need to walk over to the bus shelter, which is a NIGHTMARE since they “upgraded” it.
Got off the bus a stop early, walked to the shop, got a loaf of bread, got home. Flopped down in my couch for ten minutes. Petted Roxie, who meowed at me pitifully.
She always thinks I’ve abandoned her if I’m out of her sight for more than five minutes, I swear.
But yeah. I’m not saying I wasn’t in pain. There was a point, when I was walking away from Citizens’ Advice, where I thought, “I’m just gonna go home. I’m too sore.”
But I didn’t. I’ve been in worse pain than that. It was called “Sammi’s Wednesday Night Spin Class.”
And now I’ve made my cat happy, because she gets a new box.
That’s really all that matters, isn’t it? *grin*