I was thinking of lying, and saying that I’d stayed the same this week. That’s easier than saying I’d gained 2lbs, but…
A lie’s a lie. What’s the point in that? That’s lying to me, and lying to you.
So I gained 2lbs this week.
That’s pretty bad, but to be honest, I had a pretty bad week. I didn’t really track much of my food, and I’ve had to cut back on my exercise, too, because I have tendinitis in my heel – feckin’ great, right? – so I’m not going on the elliptical before my classes, because doing my classes is painful enough.
(I’m actually not sure if it is painful, or if it’s the chili pepper cream I’ve been prescribed. I’m gonna go to Zumba tomorrow without the cream, and see if my heel burns like it did at Spinfit yesterday. Then I’ll be able to tell.)
But other than the tendinitis… well. My food has been crap. Yesterday, I ate a whole heap of junk: donuts and onion rings (crisps) and crispy duck pancakes and spring rolls for my dinner and yeah. Yesterday, I just had cravings, and gave into them.
The rest of the week, it’s mostly been snacking, instead of bingeing. Having a potato scone with butter and jam with my lunch, or a pack of crisps with my lunch. I’ve had takeaway twice this week. Most of our meals have been store-bought, instead of home-cooked.
We know the stuff we have to change. Things like cooking instead of buying store-bought crap. It’s hard, to stand in the kitchen for 30 minutes, and prepare a meal, though. Bending over the counter to chop the vegetables is agony for me. It was easier when we lived in Ireland and we had the dining room in the kitchen; I could sit at the table and chop the vegetables. Here, we don’t. The counters are too tall to sit on a chair and chop. I have to stand and bend over, and my back doesn’t like when I bend over too long.
But I suppose I’m gonna have to start doing it anyway, because I’m getting sick of the stuff we’re buying: tortellini and sauce? Bleh. Tomato-based sauces are low-calorie, yes, but they’re boring as hell. Mum keeps buying the meat-free type of tortellini, too, which means CHEESE AND SPINACH, yuck. Scotch pies, urgh. Crispy duck kits. Ready meals.
All of these things, I’m getting bored with. I need to start cooking again. I need to convince my lower back to stop being a whiny bitch and let me do stuff that involves standing up in one spot for any length of time.
I need to convince my entire body to stop trying to sabotage me.
“Have some pain!” my body says, as I’m trying to exercise to lose weight.
“I’d rather not,” I reply, and work through the pain anyway.
But it’s really hard, you guys. It really is painful, to have the chronic back pain and now this pain in my heel as well as all the other stuff.
I just wanna be fit and healthy.
I need to stop sabotaging myself.
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