400s, body talk, story of my life, weigh-in

Monthly Measurements: April 2015

2nd April 2015

FATGIRLslim | The Measure Of A (Wo)Man

  • Neck: 16″
  • Upper arm R: 20″
  • Upper arm L: 20″
  • Wrist R: 7.25″
  • Wrist L: 7.25″
  • Bust: 59 (-3”)
  • Bra band: 52” (-3”)
  • Waist: 58.5” (-7.5”)
  • Hips: 72″ (1”)
  • Upper thigh R: 34.5″ (-0.5”)
  • Upper thigh L: 34.5″
  • Calf R: 20.5 (+0.5)″
  • Calf L: 21.5″
  • Ankle R: 10.5″ (-0.75”)
  • Ankle L: 12.5″

This is one of those, “*THROWS HANDS IN THE AIR* I GIVE UP, I JUST DON’T KNOW ANYMORE,” kind of moments.

Maybe I was really bloated last month.  Maybe I got really lucky this month?  I don’t know.  I JUST DON’T KNOW.  A 7.5″ negative difference in my waist is huge – that’s not something that you can do by accident unless you have something stuck between yourself and the measuring tape, y’know?

The difference in my bust and the bra band: again, I don’t know, because I still feel like my breasts are trying to escape from my bra the whole time.  But then, I always feel like that.  I’m still wearing the 46DDD (US) that I bought from Lane Bryant in 2009, so it’s got little to no support left in it.  The other’s a 46G wire-free from… somewhere.  UK measurements.  The two are not the same.  The G-cup should technically be bigger, anyway, and yet I have more sideboob with the G-cup.  GO figure.

Basically: I hate my body, but not for the most obvious of reasons.

I just wish it made some goddamn kind of sense.

400s, body talk, inspiration, photos, story of my life, weigh-in, weight gain

In Which I Timehop

30th March 2015

Apologies in advance to anyone who has Podophobia. This post contains a photo of my feet during a weigh-in!


I don’t know about you, but I rue the day I installed the Timehop app. It’s not exactly like I have a whole lot of my life public, other than the stuff pertaining to FATGIRLslim, but I made the mistake of connecting my private Facebook, and my iPhotos on my desktop, so every day now, I’m getting bombarded with photos of times when I looked happier, felt less pain, was smaller despite ironically eating more, and weighed less!

One of today’s Timehop photos was this:

FATGIRLslim | In Which I Timehop

My weight was 376.25lbs. I stepped on the scale this morning to see if I could compare my weight, today, with my weight four years ago.

I, uh.

Couldn’t.

My Weight Watchers scale (also the one used in the photo above, incidentally) only goes up to 400lbs. My other scale (the one from Ozeri) is up in the loft, In A Box Somewhere™.

Which means I have passed that horrendous barrier of 400lbs, for real. For absolute and totally real, to the point where my scale won’t even go, “401” or “403”. It just gives me “ERR”.

Shit.

babble, clothes, evans, fatshion, ootd, photos

In Which I’m Dressed In Fatshion

25th March 2015

It doesn’t happen often; I’m not a fashion or fatshion blogger, although I’d love to start incorporating it into FATGIRLslim, when I get a job again. But it was my birthday on Sunday, and Mum and Dad gave me money for some new clothes, so we headed up to Braehead Shopping Mall (I am point-blank refusing to call it “Intu/intu Braehead”, because that name both looks and sounds ridiculous, but it was apparently rebranded to that in 2013…) because there is a Yours Clothing store there!

I actually ended up only leaving the store with a pair of these pants, much to my great dispair. I could have happily left with just about every dress instore, but there wasn’t a lot by way of t-shirts that I could have bought. Mostly because I am extremely picky about tops, and for some reason, the two t-shirts that I tried on were separate front/back sections, and then the back had a seam running RIGHT DOWN THE CENTRE OF IT, TOO?!

I cannot abide t-shirts that do that. I have to wear a vest under it, so that the seam doesn’t rub across my neck/spine all day. Seams freak me out, and make me overly tactile all day. I can’t stand seams on my socks across my toes, or seams in my gloves touching my fingertips. It’s a nightmare.

And then, we decided to brave going into Evans. God knows why. The only thing I shop in Evans for right now, really, is lingerie (although, since about 2006, their bras have stopped going above a 44E for pretty styles) and shoes. Their actual clothes seem to have been based firmly in the “fat people have to wear stuff that my mother was forced to wear in the 90s when she was quite overweight” or “oh did you know that I work in an office?! NEITHER DID I BUT THIS IS APPARENTLY ALL I HAVE TO WEAR BECAUSE I’M FAT.”

But there was a saving grace on the sale rail.

THIS SCARLETT & JO DRESS. FOR £18.

FATGIRLslim | In Which I'm Dressed In Fatshion

FATGIRLslim | In Which I'm Dressed In Fatshion
Sory for the bluriness. Mum, for some reason, is notorious for taking shaky/blurry photos…

To say that I fell in love the second that I put it on over my head is an understatement. Once we figured out that it did, indeed, have two arms, and wasn’t a) sleeveless (it’s hung up with a pair of pants’ clothes hanger) or b) one-armed, we got it on and it was just… yes. Yes, good. It was meant for me, clearly.

I spent the rest of my money on a pack of Starbucks coffee and a new coffee mug.

I feel like it was all money well spent.

The question is:

Would a dress like that be suitable for a job interview, in your opinion? Let me know your thoughts in the comments. Does it depend on the weather on the day? The season?

I’m thinking that if I get a job interview during the summer, the dress is smart enough to wear, with smart shoes, as interview-wear. I feel confident enough in it, and it gives me a good figure, and I’m not worried about showing anything off in it.

The photos are from today. I also got my hair cut today, can you tell?

FATGIRLslim | In Which I'm Dressed In Fatshion

400s, babble, body talk, story of my life

In Which I End Up In Hairmyres Hospital

21st March 2015

Of all the things I’ve ever wanted to do with a Friday night, I’ve never, ever wanted to use the phrase:

“Mum, I think I’m having a heart attack.”

p.s. DID YOU KNOW THAT HEART ATTACK SYMPTOMS TEND TO SHOW UP DIFFERENTLY IN MEN THAN IN WOMEN? Watson Clinic and Lakeland Regional Medical Center, Lakeland, Florida and “various other academic and health institutions in the US” ran the study over a number of years. Check it out and make yourself aware of the symptoms!

We’d phoned for Chinese take away. I’d eaten maybe eight bites of chicken (chicken-nugget sized pieces, two bites each; that makes four pieces) and I just… I couldn’t breathe properly. My heart felt like someone was squeezing it tightly. I suddenly felt like I was going to pass out/vomit/lie down and go to sleep/all of the above, all at once.

I should have started with, “Mum, I don’t want you to panic, but-” but I don’t think that would have helped much. When your almost thirty-two year old morbidly obese daughter says she thinks she’s having a heart attack, I’m pretty sure that’s one of the things that’s been on my Mum’s mind for a few years now; one of those kind of deep-rooted fears: Tracy’s going to die of a heart-attack, one of these days if she’s not careful.

By the time the ambulance got to me, the horrid heart-squeezing (Mum put her ear to my chest and said it sounded like my heart was skipping a beat) was almost gone, but I couldn’t really get a proper breath. It felt like this one time I went on the Waltzers, a fairground ride, and I was in high school. Both me and my friend were quite big, and I was on the inside, and I’d managed to leave my arm outside of the ride instead of wedging it in beside me. When the ride spun, she – and the power of gravity – pushed me against the side of the carriage, and I thought my ribs were going to break, and my lungs were going to pop. That’s what that felt like; like my lungs were being squeezed.

But my oxygen was 100% (and remained 100%/99% throughout the whole night) and my blood pressure was fine. The paramedics chose, however, to ignore the reading I’d done with my Ozeri blood pressure cuff WHILE IT WAS HAPPENING. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Whatever, right? It’s not like it’s important.

FATGIRLslim | Ozeri Blood Pressure Reading

It’s not like that reading says, “Irregular heartbeat,” or anything. Nope, it certainly doesn’t.

But they did give me a nummy little lemon-flavoured aspirin, and then ruined it by giving me a tablet to dissolve between my lip and gum, which gave me a headache in the back of the ambulance on the way to Hairmyres Hospital… which felt like being in what I imagine rickshaws feel like when they go over cobblestones.

The night at Hairmyres Hospital felt like the following: pretty male doctor talking to me. Bloods. Blood pressure. Lovely nurses looking after me. Actually being comfortable on a hospital bed and just getting over to sleep. Lovely nurses coming to take bloods and blood pressure. Getting back to sleep. More blood pressure. Lovely nurse (Anne[e]) telling me that it’s definitely not a heart attack because the bloodwork came back negative for a certain enzyme they look for, but now I need to wait for a consultant to talk to.

Consultant thinks it might be gallstones. I’ve got to get an ultrasound. And spend 24 hours with a tape on my body to record my heart, just to see if it catches anything. (Considering how irregularly the arrhythmia happens, I’d be surprised it it did catch anything.)

But I was all right for discharge after the consultant spoke to me, so I’m home now. I sort of didn’t realise that I had to go to the desk (where was the desk? I have no idea. The lady at the desk I passed didn’t know…) to actually discharge myself. The nurses were letting me go, so I figured that was that. I’ve not been in hospital overnight for about 16 years or so – last time was when I tried to kill myself with an overdose. Mum and Dad came to get me then, too, but it was a different hospital.

The good news is that IT WASN’T A HEART ATTACK.

The bad news is that something pretty scary happened to me, and I have no idea what it was.

As I said at the end of the video, “I dun fucked up.”

babble, food, inspiration, mental health, non-scale victory, randomosity, story of my life

In Which I Talk About My Morning Routine – In Conjunction With Aloha | Healthy Happiness

13th March 2015

Disclaimer: The lovely people at Aloha | Healthy Happiness have been stirring up the blogosphere, getting us to write a post about our morning routines, and what we do to boost our positive inspiration, mindfulness and health.  I received no compensation for this, either in the form of products or payment.  It was simply an idea that came at the right time, and I was glad to write the post.  There are no affiliate links in the copy below.

Happiness is paramount to my life right now – I’ve been dealing with clinical depression or bipolar disorder since I was a teenager, but only addressed it as an adult, so trying to recognise the signs and symptoms of that, and keeping it under control, is a huge thing for me.

My morning is extremely structured. I wake up, take care of my business in the bathroom, and this includes drinking one glass of extremely cold water. (Not that the temperature has any particular benefits [that I know of – if it is, please let me know!], but I just prefer my water ice cold!)

FATGIRLslim | The Morning Routine

© Dobric | Dreamstime.comDaily Morning Girls Life Photo

I go back to my bedroom, where I do some stretches that my physiotherapist gave me, including the Cobra yoga pose, to try to help/heal the problems in my back before getting dressed into clothing, unless I’m feeling exceptionally down that day, when I’ll slob myself into pyjamas!  I feel like always dressing straight into clothes means that I’m ready, straight away, for whatever I have to face during the day, and I can’t put anything off because of having to change my clothes.

My breakfast is either a smoothie – I’m on a green smoothie kick at the moment, but something like the Pistachio Cherry Superfood smoothie would suit me to the ground – or a bowl of granola and Greek yoghurt. While the granola isn’t the healthiest option, it’s the healthiest of the granolas available (it uses palm sugar, and coconut oil instead of cane sugar and vegetable oils)! And it keeps me full until lunchtime, which cuts out any snacking and extra calories I’d accrue otherwise.  Aloha also has a lot of easy recipes that keep you full of energy throughout the day.

Then I take an hour out of the morning to sit and read. Last year, I realised that I was complaining that I had no time to read – while wasting my day doing precisely nothing! So now I take an hour to read whichever book’s on my list at the time (I read The Dark Tower series by Stephen King, last year into this year, and now I’m re-re-re-re-re-re-re-reading The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice), before I get started on some actual work, whether it be a blog post, some Etsy work, getting my laundry put in, or even just watching a movie while knitting or crocheting… and remembering to get up every hour, to have a little walk around so that my body doesn’t wither away and die on me!

I’ve found that my morning routine has led to me getting more done, whereas before, I was complaining that I never had any time to do anything. I’d be sitting on my computer, putzing around on the internet looking at anything and nothing while eating my breakfast. Now I eat my breakfast mindfully before I start reading my book; I read my book and I enjoy every word. I get a little bit of work done, and then I have my afternoon free to either continue working, or to play a video game, to try to write, or to do whatever I’d like.

Without my structured morning, I’d be back to my mess of trying to get everything done in the four hours between lunchtime (2pm) and dinner time (6pm). Somehow, I feel as though I get more done, despite actually doing less, and it’s a wonderful feeling. :)

What about you?  What do you do in the mornings – or even during the day! – to make sure your health is looked after?  Do you have a set routine in the afternoons or evenings?  Before you go to bed?  Tell me about it!  I’d love to hear how you look after yourselves.  :)

Other posts

There are also other posts from other bloggers, all talking about their morning routines. Check them out!

Commit To Fitness: ALOHAppiness
Don’t Feed My Monkeys: Healthy Mornings
Blog 889/889 Yoga: My Morning Ritual

If you find any more, or if you’re written one and want to be included in the list, please let me know! I’d be more than happy to include you. :)