mental health, story of my life

In Which Tracy’s Taking A Break

17th December 2014

All right.

Y’all may have guessed that I haven’t been doing so well lately, what with frequently late weigh-ins and the like.

You’d have guessed right.

I don’t know where my brain is, but it isn’t in a happy place. It’s just very… blah right now. I’m not getting pleasure from anything I’m doing. I’m not even getting any pleasure from my food, and I’m being extremely picky and eschewing a few foods that I used to enjoy because tastes and texture preferences have changed really, really extremely for me in the past six months, somehow, and I’m still not even sure how or why.

What this boils down to is that I’m gonna be taking a break.

It might only be until the New Year. It might be until February or March.

I should still be around on Twitter and Instagram, but if you’re worried, you can always email me.

In the meantime…

xmas2014-01
Christmas holly corners used in image designed by Freepik and used with permission/by attribution license

babble, food, weigh-in, weight gain

Weekly Weigh-In: December 9, 2014

9th December 2014
ozeri
+2lb
385lbs
+1lb since October 28, 2014

Weigh-in was, once again, this morning, pre-clothes and food.

I’m obviously the first (and only one, on this blog!) to admit that it’s been a lazy kind of a week. Some days I’ve been fine – able to easily get out of bed and not too tired. Most days, though, I’ve been stuck in bed, resetting the alarm every time it goes off, until it’s almost noon and I need a shower and I have a headache that weighs a 1kg.

Depression itself sucks. Depression coupled with pain coupled with seasonal issued is that kind of thing where you just… ugh. No wonder I go a little mad on the days that I get out of the house. WOW VITAMIN D I FORGOT WHAT YOU FELT LIKE kind of a thing?

I don’t know, maybe.

Thing is, I still don’t feel like I should have put any weight on, this week. I haven’t overeaten, and I haven’t binged. I’ve been watching what I’m eating.

It’s so frustrating when it happens like that, it really is.

Well, maybe I can just get 2014 out of the way, and then focus on 2015 instead. 2014 is kind of a complete bust. I’ll focus on making sure I eat healthily – or healthily enough, anyway – for the rest of 2014, and then make sure I make improvements, somehow, in 2015.

babble, weigh-in, weight loss

Weekly Weigh-In: December 2, 2014

2nd December 2014
ozeri
-3lb
383lbs
-1lbs since October 28, 2014

Okay, so it’s like this:

I ran around from just before 2pm until just before 6pm, like a crazy person.

I did not actually get to Weight Watchers.

I actually weighed myself this morning, at home, in case of this eventuality, which means that I the weigh-in was at home, before food, without clothes, etc. Which is obviously not the case when I’m actually in Weight Watchers getting weighed.

But, well. As last week was now my last week at Weight Watchers, weigh-ins will now go back to being first thing in the morning, before food and clothes!

That said, however, either at least I got a good weight loss this week, or WOW, my clothes and food weigh a lot. I’m not entirely sure which. I guess we’ll find out next week.

babble, propoints, weigh-in, weight loss, weight watchers

Weekly Weigh-In: November 25, 2014

26th November 2014
ozeri
-2lb
386lbs
+2lbs since October 28, 2014

Apologies, apologies! I know it’s late again. It’s technically Wednesday morning, as it’s now past 5.30am.

(Why the hell am I even still awake? Crap. I should have gone to bed two hours ago. I have a dentist’s appointment at 10am. Should I go to bed and nap? Ugh.)

I took myself out for a date to see The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, and ended up wandering around ASDA for a few hours looking at everything and just… wandering.

So yes. Apologies that the weigh-in is late. Again. I didn’t get home until well after midnight, so it was a little difficult to post it on Tuesday.

Oops.

Anyway, yay! Weight seems to be going in the right direction for a change, even though it is now officially That Time Of The Month, and I’m not doing anything different from the second week, except that I’m not tracking anything. I’m just eating the same stuff and not freaking out?

I don’t get it.

Fair warning, though: I have cancelled my Monthly Pass. Please, do not be shocked. I just don’t see the point in paying for the membership when I’m not actually following the plan.

Oy.

babble, me and my medications, mental health, propoints, story of my life, weigh-in, weight loss

Weekly Weigh-In: November 18, 2014

20th November 2014
ozeri
-1lb
388lbs
+4lbs since October 28, 2014

Well, first off I’ve got to apologise: I honestly thought I’d posted the weigh-in on Tuesday night. Then I realised that no. I spent Tuesday night staring at a Word document and a piece of crochet, and a pattern, and…

It was a 3am bedtime, and I forgot that I was going to do the weigh-in post before I went to bed, except by the time 3am came around I was kind of a zombified human being and just fell into bed and almost forgot to set my alarm for Wednesday.

Yesterday?

I hadn’t realised I hadn’t posted it. Hah. I put the Bloglovin’ link in the sidebar today, went, “Where the hell is this week’s oh bloody hell I forgot to post it,” and here we are.

So I actually managed to lose something this week! Which I’m pretty happy about. I can lose weight on ProPoints! This is a revelation, because it’s the first time I’ve ever done so.

It means I’ve still got 4lbs to go until I’m back to my starting weight, but that’s cool. We can do that.

After my last post, I decided that I was going to start reducing my Quetiapine/Seroquel, by myself. Not do something so stupid as to come off it, cold turkey, because the last time I did that I didn’t get any real sleep for three weeks, and I had migraines that would kill a lesser person. So I’m cutting down by 25% this week. A further 25% next week. A further 25% the week after that. I’ll stay on a 25% of original dose for a month, and then I’ll come off it completely. If it’s all right, that is. If it’s all all right, then I’ll go see Dr. David and tell him about it, and get him to remove it from my prescription.

I’ve got my fingers crossed that maybe there’s something else I can take instead, or maybe I don’t need it anymore, or maybe I can live without it until I’ve lost enough weight or maybe the Duloxetine’ll be enough to help me cope with my brain. I just know that I need to try. As my weigh-in has shown, it’s possible for me to lose weight – my weigh-ins over the past few years, in fact – have shown that it’s possible for me to lose weight, gain weight, stay the same weight. I’m due my period tomorrow, and I lost weight this week. Last week when I stood on the scale for my weigh-in and saw that it was a 1lb gain, I said to Sheryl that I didn’t want to use my period as an excuse, or a get-out-of-jail-free card for a weight gain. I’ve had periods in time, pardon the pun, where I was eating right and I lost weight despite it being that time of the month.

I know it’s possible.

It’s the same thing for the medication. I don’t want to use it as a crutch. I don’t want to say, “Oh, but the medication gives me a huge appetite-”

But what if it does? Wouldn’t it make more sense to get rid of it, and not have that?

So yeah. I’m doing what needs to be doing.

Just… fingers crossed that it works out all right.